Postpartum woman.

I should be writing about my birth experience.. sebab semua org duk tanya.. but I’m still in confinement and the creeping baby blues makes me want to talk about birth less. There’s more in my system that needs to be vent out, than the birth story.. maybe that can wait.. nanti2 la, pantang ada 20 hari lagi.. ohhh demshittttt~

 Postpartum Days

A few days after I birth, I slipped into postpartum depression. I feel like a complete piece of shit. Ok that sound bitter, but really, I was that bitter. I just wanted to do nothing but cry.

I was feeling defeated, like a sore loser and I don’t even feel like there’s any reason to be happy about. My pregnancy was difficult to the point it made me a completely useless employee, and I screwed up every bloody project I had in hands. Sudah lah muntah hari2, tak cukup dengan mengadap  jamban ditambah lagi kritikan yang lebih menjambankan. I don’t know who started the saying that morning sickness lasts only in the early months, tapi sumpah aku berharap orang tu masuk neraka sebab menipu sampai semua orang percaya ayat tu sampai menggabaikan perikemanusiaan.

I had morning sickness – or more like all the time sickness for bloody 10 months. Ye 10 months, bunting gajah namenye. I have never been pregnant less than 10 months. My womb is too cosy. Okbai.

I gained 30 kgs. That’s like 2/3 of my original weight. Berat bagaikan peluk Asmak sambil berdiri atas weighing scale. Berbadan dua literally. I don’t know where the weight came from, makan muntah tak ingat2 tapi gemok pedepommmm mcmtu jugak. The.world.is.mean.

Birth was fine. Birthing at home was beautiful. Perhaps the only thing I truly cherished about this whole pregnancy thing.

But I was left not only with sores and scars; i was left in the form I never imagined I could be in. I started hating the mirror, and cursing everything I had in the wardrobe. Yang muat pakai tinggal baju sukan sekolah, tshirt2 free (contoh:  visit Malaysia 2010, multiria senjojes ßhari kentin sekolah, family day TM dan sebagainya). Seluar plak tinggal seluar thai fair yg cerut getah bercorak gajah monogram, corak yang sungguh simbolik skali. Nothing that looks nice fits. Fit sawan ada la.

The pigmentation on my skin from the hormones is like patches all over me. It makes me feel super dirty. Mcm daki yang degil.  I had really deep dark eyebags, my face was so dry and kelabu asap. The cellulites are like jiggling all over me. I was ugly. Super ugly.  All my years of smoking and very unhealthy lifestyle yearssss ago still managed to get me looking presentable. What makes me ugly? Motherhood.  The pregnancy, the hormones, the age and the fact that I’m a mother of two makes me ugly. It was so hard to swallow. Years of work outs, calorie control shit and fitness blablabla is gone, like totally wasted.

I gained only 16 kg when I gave birth to Imaan. Lepas bersalin turun 7kg. the balance 9kg took me a year to lose and hours in the gym and air mata darah tgk orang lain makan sedap2.  This time, lepas bersalin from 71kg I became 66kg, that is almost double my pre pregnancy weight.  That should take me about 25 years to lose because I am older now and i dont have a calculator. 

So I started off my postpartum days feeling awful because I am an ugly bic. I was angry at everyone. And one time I was especially angry, I almost lost my mind. That’s the time when I first had a bowel motion after birth and PBA decides to do surprise pipe maintenance in my area. TAKDE AIR. My piles knows no mercy, I screamed my hearts out that day.

Then I refused to eat. Because eating makes me feel guilty. How to shed weight if I keep eating? Tak tau la saka mana yang bisik cakap macamtu. I starved myself just because I wanted to fit in my old jeans and look like 25 again. Or because I browsed instagram and found I have no place among the pretty faces and skinny legs with millions of likes.  My confinement lady, Kak Is had this disbelief look on her face when I showed her my pre pregnancy pictures, ‘Ni ko ke dik?????!!!’. Ye kak, takkan zaiton sameon kot.

I wept. Daily. Because I think my husband hates me. I was no longer the woman he fell in love with. I don’t fit in his arms the same way I do before.  and my husband is the kind who loves fashion, forever telling me to wear this and ditch that. I now cannot fit everything that he likes me to wear, and can only fit everything I was supposed to ditch.

Ok apa lagi nak komplen. Career menjunam ke longkang dah cite. Berat naik, muka buruk pun dah. Ok what else.

I forgot to spill about my newborn.

She wakes up more often than imaan, feeds hungrily and she throws up on me when I just had a change of clothes. And she’s my new found love.

I carried her for 10 long months and I couldn’t believe how my body was able to grow something so so so precious. Had I known this feeling, I wouldn’t mind going on 11 months of pregnancy. No matter how bad. You crazy? No. I would even trade my life for this one tiny person.

Actually, I’d trade my life for both my babies.

I forgot the real reason I was brought to live, I forgot the real beauties in life. I used to believe beauty is in the form of perfect glowing faces with bouncy hair and skinny jeans. But as I cradle my little one in my arms, nursing her and watching her sleep, I feel so blessed. She’s so small and fragile and I’m her guardian. Guardian. That word alone sounds like a huge responsibility. So macho like that.  It feels good to hold my tiny newborn and her also tiny big sister, because they reminded me of what I really am. I am a mother.

A mother is beautiful in their own true form. It doesn’t have to be big or small or skinny or with rambut kepok2. A mother is great regardless of what job she holds, housewife or accountant or doctor or majistret or lawyer or ahli muzik. You see, you can call me anything. But what got me feeling all fuzzy and gedik2 inside is when someone acknowledges me as a Mother.

A Mother has healing touches. That’s why you hear screams of ‘MOMMYYYY!!!’ ever so often in all sorts of languages. A mother is usually needed at the most crucial times. At some other times u need someone else’s mother – ‘OH  MAK KAU!’

My babies are gems. Despite their demands and tantrums, I feel like a whole person with them. They might be small but they are the ones who gave me all the strength to do everything I thought I couldn’t do. They are the ones that remind me that the world has so much love to offer. With a newborn who literally clings on me, and a toddler who constant tell me ‘ I love you Mama’, what is there that I hate so much about myself?

I felt stupid and shallow to want to look good and running up the career ladder (can u even run up a ladder?). of course looking good is nice and a thriving career is a bonus. but that’s not the only thing in this world to make me feel awesome. Having kids makes me feel awesome. Having a dad who loves me more than the world is awesome (please tag my siblings here). Having a husband who tells me i’m beautiful despite my jingling belly and cellulite is uber awesome. Having crazy friends who constantly intoxicate my whatsapp with gossips and recipes is awesome. Having to breathe and live itself is the utmost awesomeness (Al fatihah to my dearest Mom who left us way too soon).

I don’t hate the mirror anymore. That is who I am. That belly carried two angels and that hips don’t lie. Those eye bags are there because my babies are fed (at night. Many many times). I don’t have to depend on how I look like to feel good. Feeling good is subjective. It’s how you view things and it’s how you accept things.

I view myself as a woman who has aged well, enjoyed all that life has got to offer and I accept what I really am, I am woman.

All women are special. 

kawan saya nama dia Nonie

Saya ada seorang kawan nama dia Nonie.

Dia seorang yang nipihhhhhhhhhhhhhhh skali tiup dia bukan saja melayang, kening dia terus disintegrate menjadi debu.

Dulu saya tak suka kat dia.

Tapi kini bila dewasa, saya tetap tak suka kat dia.

Nonie suka buat best.

Perasaan Seorang Makcik

HALOOOOOO~~~~

lama gilaaaaaa tak hapdet!!

finally, dah sampai ke penghujung sem. thesis, article semua dah selamat submit kat Puan Rusnah Kesabaran Tinggi .. tamatlah sudah "sharipah bila kamu nak hantar......". dengan ini saya mengambil kesempatan mengucapkan terima kasih teragung bagi Puan Rusnah yg banyak bersabar.

mcm la dia baca blog.

SEBAB DIA TAK BACA LA KENA TULIS~~~!!

tima kasih kak ros, time kasih kasi saya hantar ujunggg ujungg waktu office gsb dah katop, kak ros gigih tunggu depan pintu gsb di hening petang jumaat yang ade pasar malam.. tapi kak ros tabah, sikit pun kak ros tak marah. ai lev yu kak ros.

gitu.

berbalik pada topik yg dipilih harini. takde la pilih pun. telipon adik tanya 'wey aku lama tak tulih blog, nak cerita pasai apa aa?' dia jawab

'perasaan seorang makcik'.

Asmak tu dari darjah lima perangai mcm makcik2, masuk 20-an terus masuk alam atok2. mungkin dia merindui zaman dia muda dulu kot. tu bagi idea camni.

baiklah...

Perasaan seorang makcik...

hmmm..

ammm...

mmm...

emmm...

aaa...mmmm...

huwargggggggghhhhhh


*larikkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! nangis setempat. tumbok dinding. amik wudhu'. solat. tenangkan hati*


ok dah tenang hati. its not easy (sumpah tak tipu) accepting the fact that youth are no longer an age category that you are confined in.. it's not easy (ini lagi tak tipu), knowing that next year i will hit 3- 0.  Last time (wayyyyy back), i use to tell myself, those above 25 i should call makcik and not kakak. sekarang ideologi tersebut adalah karut sama skali. twentyfivers call me akak. HOMAIGADD.

dulu beli krim muka harussssss nak yg whitening bagai. sekarang ni whitening products ke tepi kauuuu, anti aging come to mama!!! nangispelukcium segala maknika collagen2 yg bertaburan kat guardian, watson nyambek dsb.

i am a freak of old age. eh tak. i welcome old age, cause with age comes wisdom. but with age comes kedutan muka leher dan kemeresoton elastisiti kulit yg drastik skali dgn metabolisma badan, menyebabkan penampilan sudah tidak lagi semenawan usia muda.

baju lama masih muat... kejap, ini bukan utk show off. muat TAPI bagai nak meletup. seumpana membaluti sebijik nangka.

bila pegi shopping ADA HATI nak panggil salesperson 'akak'. pdhal umur diorg sekerat umur diri sendiri. sorriiii~~~.. terbiasa sebenarnya.. tapi akak tu kan pangillan hormat. contoh: kak ros.. pdhal kak ros tu dah status nenek. tapi sebab dia penyelamat nyawa lagi berdedikasi, panggilan akak tu adalah simbolik respect.

one of the reason that made me feel old is when i realised that the younger generations have no clue, diulangi, NOT A SINGLE CLUE, of the celebs i talk about. adik2 edros langsung tak tau KRU tu ape, penat edros gigih rap lagu fanatik nak show off kat adik2. siannn.. sembang la juliana banos ke rosnah mat aris ke, langsung diorang tak tau. baru tau perasan mak ayah dulu2 sembang kencang jins samsudin, ed osmera, maria menado semua tu pastu kecewa anak2 muka blur... mcmni rupenye rasa dia.. *nangessss*

dulu masa sekolah2, berpuak2.. junior dgn junior.. senior dgn senior.. senior form 5 lain.. itu otai tak leh kacau.. senior form 3, form 4, itu clan kakak2 angkat semua.. sekarang ni, tak kira senior tua mana pun.. langkau je masuk umur 25 dan keatas, lagi2 bila ada anak, semua dah jadi satu clan. which is good. in a way. like how i bond with my elder sis. masa kecik2 dulu garangnya dia kat adik2 nauzubillahiminzalikk. dia tua 6 tahun, so dia form 5 adik2 baru terkinja2 darjah 6 pastu sibuk nk join geng akak2. selalu dia akan naik hantu bila kena paksa jaga adik, tak pun kena suruh bawak adik gi mana2. benci sungguh dia kat adik2 masa tu.. sekarang ni?  dia dh 35. makcikkkk  sgt. dia yang whatsapp  'halo adik2, hampa nak pi mana? nak ikot~'.. kitorg yg bertempik 'lariiiii wehhh lariiiii, kariah nak ikutt'.. ahaahaha tapi lagi best sekarang ni dari dulu... walaupun geng makcik2, tapi sungguh la terasa kewujudan seorang kakak. dulu cuma rasa kasih sayang seorang singa yg lapar je.

dulu kemain tampar adik birat2 sbb koyak poster KNOTB, sekarang rilek je kena buli anak sendiri boleh senyum2 lagi..

tak lupa jugak the ultimate reason i turn into a makcik.. because i am a makcik... a makcik to segerombolan anak2 sedara..  i am a proud makcik to 3 nephews and 2 nieces... kalau campur yg anak2 kazen mazen, im not sure how much.. bnyk la.. dalam angka puluh puluhan yang kalau time hari raya tu mesti ade je insiden terlupa bagi duit raya sbb ramai sgt, tak tau mana yg dah dapat mana yang belum, atau pun buat2 lupa nak bagi.    my first nephew was born when i was 22 years old..  the second one comes a year later.. i was soooo excited to have my nephew and niece masa tu.. cause i have no younger siblings.. ade la adik, adik yang muda 12 minit tapi berperwatakan 50 tahun ke atas so tak kire.  hari2 pegi rumah abang sbb nak main dgn anak sedara...

the youngest but the biggest, abderahman. ni apehal sebek2 ni, aunty tak cukup hot ke? cube cakapppppppp

nohhhhhhh!!! the kacakest. kecik2 rupa mcm modewls gitu.  

khadijah, abderamon, and imaan. yg tgh tu paling baby skali, tapi dia la paling heavyweight champion.

ammariah!!!!  ni yang paling tua dan jugak otai skali. ammar panggil imaan 'troublemaker'..hahahahaha korg tau tak korg inherit genetic troublemaker dari mane??  mestilah aunty asmakkk dan khalid!! *larikkk*

ok well, aging is not a fun thing.. definitely not welcomed by most women.. sadly, there's no fountain of youth.. and growing old is not a choice.. it really is not so bad.. some say age is just a number.. i think it's more than just numbers.. it's not just about how i look in person, it's more of the role i play and the responsibilities gained. yes i have crow's feet decorating the corners of my eyes, but underneath the wrinkled me, there is wisdom that i've acquired through life lessons.. my dad use to say that experience is expensive... well yes, definitely, one wrong choice and there's not much option of turning back, u have to pay the price. maybe i've treaded on these 'expensive' experiences.. and i have paid my price.. and there were times when i felt really 'broke'. but that's what life is about.. and years later, now.. i realise that all that had happened, happened for a reason and it took me to where i am now.. i am older, by the minute and the only way to feel good about it is to embrace it gracefully.. graceful ke? haha.. ok lah, its not really that bad.. tolongg la tolonggg, jangan compare diri dengan artis2.. that is not smart. semua org lain2.. mcm kelakar je compare physical being.. daripada nak compare kenapa maria kang anak 3 badan meletop, tak pun demi moore dah 51 tapi nampak mcm 25 ke... cuba la compare benda lain, berapa kali  khatam quran dlm setahun ke, brapa banyak amal jariah ke, brapa banyak simpanan akhirat ke?... *larikkkkkkkk***


oklah.. setakat ni dulu post ni. setelah berzaman tak post, terus hapdet pengalaman seorang makcik.. kalau pasni tak hapdet gak ntah2 pasni sambung part 2: pengalaman seorang nenek. hohohohoho

Laju~ laju~ buaiku lajewwww~

Dulu ekshen taknak pakai buai. Konon mat salleh abis, anak letak dlm cot tido automatic. Cita cita harus tinggi.

Realitinya imaan tido paling lama 10 minit itupun bila dh penat trok. By the time dia penat trok, makbapak skali dgn toknenek dia semua dh bergelimpangan penat. Takleh jadiii ni..

Maka..........

Buaianlah jawabnya... 

Senang keja, dia tido pun lama. Sempat la nak mandimakanbasuhbajulipatbajusembahyang dll. 

Part paling tak best ialah nak p mana pun  nak kena usung buaian. Kat rumah tok minden ada 2, (dh beli manual, tok dia pi beli baru yg otometik, lagi senang katanya.. Hi tech tok2 zaman skrg). Yg kaler hijau dlm gambar ni buaian tok sg ara punya.

Orang assemble buaian dia ni sebok nak godek sana sini.

Mcmnilah gaya bila nk harapkan dia tido sendiri. Habis dia dodoi segala hartabenda..

Nak pi poland nak bwk buaian jugak ke? Sentap sat perasaan. Apa nak buat niiiiiiiii....

sekian lamaaaaa

last post was in december 2012. sekarang dah nak masuk July 2013! lamanyaaaaaaaaaaa~ . padan la website dlm bm diorang panggil 'laman sesawang'. memang sunggoh2 bersawang ni..

ive been too busy juggling studies with imaan. alasan stended yang berbaur poyo.. tapi btol wehhh.. tak tipu.. kalau dari dulu mmg jenis yg belajar bermatian matian mungkin la kot boleh handle jaga anak sambil study.. ni kalau dah dari dulu, assignment due harini, pagi ni baru terkial-kial nak menaip macam ni la jadinye.. subject amik sampai maximum credit hours. masa register confident sangat boleh buat. halfway thru terguling2 menyesal tak sudah..

one of the reason that got me writing here again is cause ive just finished my semester a few days back, it was a horrible semester!!!! mulia lagi repeat spm dari menjalani semester yang tahi ni. most of the blame goes to me. sapa suroh amik subject banyak dan tak sedar diri tu pemalas? masa time register subject dulu bukan main berkobar perasaan mcm best student. hampeh je.

enough with the regret, boleh jadi panjang kalah thesis yg sepatutnya dah mula tulis tapi still duk buang masa nak tulis blog jugak. 

meh nak hapdet secara ringkas peristiwa2 lepas:

1. imaan dah beso.

dah masuk unibesiti dah pun..

2. adik dan kakak saya dah join clan mak buyong

comel je adik kakak gemok bersame

3.pi yemen sat haritu, ikut bapak melawat kampung halaman. jumpa makcik2 dan sedara org arab. tapi  tatau cakap arab. sedih. makan sana terbaik. nak pegi lagi insha allah kalau dah terer cakap arab. buat malu je duduk rumah sedara tapi berperangai anti social. segannnnnnn aihhhhh~~~

ni baru suku rombongan che kiah. dekat bab el yemen. pasar malam versi arab, cuma takdak nasik kerabu mahupun kebab melawati.

3. nak kena pi poland perabih mba yg dah berkarat ni. sepatutnya best sbb boleh makan anging. tapi sebab dah beranak pinak beratnya hati hanya Allah yang tahu. sob sob. nak tinggal imaan? nak bawak? nak tinggal kang result ke laut sebab hati tak senang duk ingat anak. nak bawak kang sama jugak ke laut sebab duk sibuk jaga anak.

ditelan mati mak, diluah pun mati mak jugak. hambik ko.

4. ketinggian masih sama dari darjah 4 tak pernah ubah.

5. gemok stended lepas beranak satu. sure i can fit my old jeans but it DOESNT look the same anymore. last time i was always annoyed by makciks who always brag that they can wear half the size of what i used to wear, cam biasa la ayat "alahhh, makcik dulu kebaya time kawin tu, sapaaaa pun tak boleh pakai sebab pinggang makcik dulu haluihhhhhhh~"(sambil mencekak pinggang yg berlapis2 spare tayar rim 17"). it wont be long before i'll become one of those makciks. hahahahahhahahahahahahahaa~~~~


ok thats about it...will try to update often insha allah. harap2.....emmmm harap la kan..... emmm maybe. tengok la mcmana..... hohohohoho.

Hala Madrid

Madrid!! Tempat yang edros paling teringin nak pegi dalam dunia ni.  He made it clear that his all time dream is to watch Real Madrid match in Bernabeu Stadium. He made it VERY clear, sepuluh ribu kali duk ulang2 setiap kali kami tengok match real Madrid kat tv.

After Lisbon, we flew to Madrid. A day ahead of the rest of the eurotrip clan. In the plane edros sibuk duk study Spanish from the app I downloaded in my ipod. Semangattt! I don’t even think he needs a dictionary. Mana dia pegi pun dia tetap akan bersembang dgn konfiden walaupun dia sendiri tak paham apa yang dia merapu. dgn orang apa sekalipun, janji ada bunyi bercakap dia akan cakap serupa dia hasbullah awang duk sembang friendly dengan mahadir lokman gituuu.

We arrived at  Madrid Barajas Airport early noon. Since the bags are huge, we decided to skip the metro and take the cab to our apartment in Gran Via. We were not very sure of how far the airport is from Gran Via, but agak2 tak jauh sgt so tak pa la kot naik cab.. dgn harapan tak la mahal sgt.. sekali the meter doesn’t stop going at 10euro. Alamak.!! By the time we reach our apartment the meter was blinking in bright red digits, 30euros!!! That’s RM120!!. Gilaaaaaaaa~~ taktau la kena ketok ke mmg btol harga macamtu, kitorang bayar dgn linangan air mata dan hati yg berkecai.. macam ni rupanya perasaan mat salleh2 yg slalu kena ketok dgn taxi driver kat Malaysia.. 

We stayed in a duplex apartment right in the middle of Gran Via. Mmg heaven sbb just 5 minutes from metro and grocery stores and restaurants are all nearby. And the best part was, Madrid was sunny! Its still winter though, tapi boleh la nak redah jalan2 when the sun is out..

this is Gran Via

The first day in Madrid it was just me and edros. Alvi, adam and oya arrived a day after us. So the first day tu kitorang feeling2 honeymoon. So we took our time strolling the busy street of Gran Via, browsed through the cafés along Plaza Mayor and went for Santiago Bernabeu stadium tour. The tour was awesome!! We even get to see the changing room, siap ada Jacuzzi lagi. But the shower room is doorless..erk… the tour route includes the dugouts, presidential box, press room, changing rooms, players tunnel and the gallery where the trophy room is at. We took hundres of pictures there tapi sayangnya as I was waiting for edros to get his real Madrid jersey customized at the club shop, camera buat pasal and we lost allllllll the pictures! Ini lagi sedih dari kena ketok dengan taxi driver ok. I felt awful as it was me who held the camera last. Edros muka dah herot2 tahan perasaan.

But he wasn’t upset for long… 

nenjiaaaaaa~ 

it was a late wedding cum birthday gift to him, i bought us tickets for real Madrid vs Levante match the day after. Haruslah lepas tu muka dia berseri2~ fuhhh nasib baik.

Match the next was scheduled at 9.00 pm.. by 6.00pm kitorang dah pegi metro takut sesak.. one thing about the football match in bernabeu is, kalau ada match, the streets in the area will be closed. So mmg kena naik metro saja. Nak drive boleh, tapi kena park jauh..might as well naik metro. Murah, cepat dan padat.  Diulangi, padat! we had our dinner in burger king, sila rujuk gambar bawah untuk melihat sendiri skala kepadatan. Sudah la kitorang ni kecik2, rasa mcm dalam lautan gergasi2.

sekiusmi~ sekiusmi~

By 8.20, we were already seated in our seats. I bought popcorns. Agak bangang disitu sbb masa tu dah malam, sejuk gila2 sampai nak bukak glove pun tak sanggup. Maka makanla popcorn tersebut guna glove. Nasibbb~ makin lama makin sejuk.. tangan hanya mampu dikepit celah ketiak takpun letak bawah bontot.. mmg tak makan pun popcorn tu.. ntahapa2 tgk bola bwk popkon.. rugi 4euro. By the time the match ended, it was even colder than peti ais daging. Edros punya hidung pun tukar kaler, dari coklat jawa jadi merah Eurasian.. nak jalan keluar stadium punyalah azab, dgn angin kuat mcm nak terpelanting pastu nak kena kawad kaki berjemaah plak nak masuk metro. Nasib baik kitorang keluar awal. Itupun beratur mcm nak pegi mengundi.

gembire~

sejuk mcm kena tampar

gembire lagiiii~

Adamoyaalvi sampai Madrid malam tu.. kesian diorg kena tunggu me and dosh habis tgk bola baru boleh masuk rumah.. tapi diorg tunggu kat café somewhere dekat2 dgn apartment. Tuan punya kedai tu punya tak sabar nak tutup kedai dah masa tu hahaha..

We spent a week in Madrid where we went for café hopping. Trying out the seafood paella (read: pa-ya) and tapas.. shopping pun best, zara kat situ murah.. ke tengah sale? Tak ingat sgt, yang penting murah~~

ni dekat plaza mayor. tarian kesyukuran sempena pancaran matahari di tgh2 winter

Adamoya

edros sedih elmo taknak amik gambaq dgn dia.. siannn

seafood paella. mcm nasik goreng kawah camtu laa lebih kurang

aaron aziz m. osman

candy shop. ni kalau hensel gretel tgk boleh nanges nii

Adamudang

j. longkang

tapas: patatas bravas, cafe con leche. dlm bahasa melayu, ubi goreng dgn sos macam2 dan kopi boh susu

tortilla espanola. spanish omelette. tloq dadar sepanyol. yang ni sedap dahsyat.

If anyone asked if im ever going to revisit Madrid again, I’d say, definitely.. like edros said to me when we lost all the pictures in the camera ‘tak pe la, ada alasan nak datang sini lagi..’ hahahahaha